God's Love, Infertility, Trials

Love: When We Question God’s Love

A woman standing with two young children near a pond

@JeanneTakenaka

Many years ago, as Hubs and I stumbled through the valley of infertility, I struggled a lot with the Lord. I faced well-intentioned loved ones who told me I just needed more faith, and then we’d get pregnant. 

But more, I questioned that God loved me as much as He loved other people. 

If He loved me, why did He withhold this heart desire? Why did he not fulfill the innate yearning to carry a pregnancy to term and to nurture a child? 

I still remember the day. 

A father holding his baby's feet into the surf at a beach

I was running errands, driving on some busy Las Vegas road (where we lived at the time) and confronting the Lord with my accusations.

He’d given teenaged mothers pregnancies they didn’t want, and many of them weren’t ready for motherhood. He’d given lots of women pregnancies who then aborted their children.

So why didn’t He gift women like me—who desperately wanted a child—a pregnancy? I asked Him why He didn’t love me as much as He loved others. What had I done wrong?

A porcelain baby bootie with a cross that says, "Jesus loves me"

His response? It floored me.

“Jeanne, there is nothing you can do that will make Me love you more. There’s no way for Me to love you more because I already love you completely.”

And there it was. 

God didn’t love me less than others, simply because He hadn’t gifted me with a baby in my womb. He loved me completely, perfectly, passionately. With all of who He is.

He blew my mind. And my thoughts. And His words comforted my heart.

A lamb, a knitted baby bootie and a couple of baby toys

He helped me to see that His choosing not to give Hubs and me a pregnancy wasn’t because He loved me/us less. It was because He had a different plan for us, and He was bringing it to fruition in our lives. 

Grasping how much my Father loved me enabled me to trust Him more. I was able to set aside the nagging doubts that my faith wasn’t strong enough. That I wasn’t good enough or worthy enough. 

A man and woman walking on a paved path with a toddler girl

His words to my heart that day revealed some wrong thinking I’d clung to for years. They unveiled the fears I’d carried since my girlhood. Fears that I was less-than, not-deserving of good things. 

The funny thing is, once I embraced the truth that God loved me that much, my confidence in His love became unshakable. 

A man holding the hand of a very young boy walking a rocky path

We all face heartbreak, disappointment, disillusionment when things don’t go the way we think they should. 

We have—or will—walk through seasons that rock us to the core. But, when we know that we know God loves us? We can find comfort knowing that, if He’s allowed a hard thing into our lives, He’s going to walk it out with us.

He’s going to give us what we need to get through, and even to thrive. When we believe that God means what He says—that He loves us completely, that there is nothing we can do to cause Him to stop loving us—we find confidence when we face those hard seasons.

Baby toes

God doesn’t allow pain into our lives for no reason. He’s not a capricious Father. When He permits heartache to enter our lives, He has a plan in the midst of it. He doesn’t cause the pain, but He does use it to shape us into people after His own heart. 

We have to choose though. What will we believe about God when those difficult trials slam us? Will we shake a fist at Him? 

We may, as we work through the emotions that come with that pain. But hopefully, when the heat of our emotions, our hurt, our confusion ebbs, we can come back to the truth that God loves us. 

Meme with the words: "The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save, He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." ~Zephaniah 3:17--on a snowy backdrop

He rejoices over us with gladness. Can you even imagine??

He quiets us with His love. In those hard seasons, He knows how to comfort us and to still the raucous waters within.

He rejoices over us with singing. All because He loves us.

What about you? What in your life has helped you grasp the reality that God loves you? If you struggle with believing God loves you this much, what would help you believe?

Click to Tweet: If God’s allowed a hard thing into our lives, He’s going to walk it out with us.

I’m linking up with #TellHisStory and #RaRaLinkup

30 thoughts on “Love: When We Question God’s Love”

  1. They say that Jesus loves me
    for the Bible tells me so,
    but in this cancer’d purgatory,
    sometimes I don’t know.
    The TV preachers say it clear,
    that they will teach me how to pray
    in a way that gets God’s ear;
    just use my Visa card to pay
    for that vital DVD
    to unlock the love of God
    and access all the mystery…
    but perhaps their logic’s flawed
    for the God who had one Son
    let Him die for everyone.

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    1. Awww, Andrew. I’m praying for you, my friend. I know some of your days and nights must feel really dark. I appreciate your perspective in the final lines of your poem. Really, regardless of what man thinks or conjures up to say about God and His love, there are some situations that can’t be solved with simple formulas. We only come to terms with our versions of hard by seeking to know who God really is and asking Himself to reveal Himself. It’s only as we come to know Him for ourselves that we find any sense of His presence in hard situations. I am praying for you, my friend.

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  2. Thank you, Jeanne, for dipping into this painful part of your story to shed light on our inadequate understanding of God’s great love for us. I’ve been through that gauntlet as well, expecting God to be “tame,” and to behave in ways that make sense to me.
    I think when we part ways on this, we find our way back to who God truly is in the big picture.

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    1. Michele, we do sometimes place unrealistic expectations on God sometimes, don’t we? I’m thankful that, though He lets us walk on our willful path for a time, He’s always there and ready to be what we need when we re-align our hearts with His.

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  3. Thank you for sharing your very personal and painful story with us Jeanne. I think sometimes we tend to look at god as a wish-dispenser, a genie who can fulfill all of our desires if only we get our faith exactly right. Instead, we have something much better, a loving Father who will walk with us through life’s disappointments and struggles.

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    1. You’re right, Laurie. It’s easy to look at God as the Wish-Giver. But often, it’s when He withholds something from us, that we learn more about who He really is, and about what it means to walk in faith. And yes, I’m so grateful He walks with us through life’s disappointments and struggles.

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  4. I wrestled with infertility as well; it’s a faith- challenging journey. Thanks for sharing your pain and the hope you’ve found.

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    1. Candice, I’m sorry you’ve wrestled with infertility too. It’s definitely a humbling and challenging journey. Our Lord is the giver of hope, no matter what struggle we’re facing. We find it when we look to Him to walk with us through the struggles, don’t we? So glad you stopped by!

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  5. I, too, struggled with infertility! It’s so hard to trust God when we’re begging Him for what we think we want and need, and He chooses to make us wait. It’s so frustrating. But experience has taught me it is well worth the wait. I found liberation and peace when I gave over and trusted His way was best, whatever He chose.

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    1. Jessica, I’m sorry you’ve struggled with infertility, too. It is hard to trust God when we want something He’s made us to desire and then He doesn’t “give” it. I agree with you. It’s well worth the wait for God’s fulfilling the desire instilled within us. And yes, yielding and trusting that His way is best is the greatest way forward.

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  6. Thank you for sharing your heart. There are so many people dealing with infertility. My husband and I hoped and prayed to have a house full of children. God sent us one and we are thankful for that child, who is now 36 and married and a father. 🙂

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    1. Melissa, you’re right. There are many people dealing with infertility. I imagine your heart had to take time to realign with God’s plan for your family, similar to my husband and me. It must be special to see your son wearing the mantle of Father.

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  7. Jeanne,
    I, too, have had to wrestle with the question…does God love me less because either blessings seem to be withheld or trials seem to come in abundance. Like you so beautifully pointed out – nothing can make Him love us any more or any less and no matter what happens God will walk it out with us and even if no answers come, we still need to trust in the fact that He is good and He knows what He is doing. Great post and love those little piggy toes!
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

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    1. Yes, Bev. I’m so thankful God walks out each trial in life with us. And though we may not always (or ever) understand some of the Why’s, we can always find comfort in His presence and the unchanging truth that He loves us. Grinning at your piggy toes comment. 😉

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  8. Thank you for this part of your story, Jeanne. I was talking with a friend today and we both agreed that we wouldn’t trade the hurtful parts of our stories for the nearness of God that we experienced there (and still do). He truly is Healer and Comforter, Sustainer and Provider. Thanks again, friend. I always look forward to Tuesdays 🤗

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    1. Heidi, there’s a depth of wisdom in your words. While walking through the painful part of our stories is oh, so hard, like you, I look back and I cling to the jewels He gave me in the form of His nearness and the truths He taught me in those dark places.So thankful for you, my friend!

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  9. God continues to use you to share the hard and joyful parts of your story. Your lesson of being loved no matter what is one that speaks to my heart on days when I feel unloved. It is amazing how God connects us to learn from each other. I know that is why He initially connected us. Now I love just being able to call you friend.

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    1. Mary, I love how God has connected us to learn from each other. And to call you friend as well. I’ve learned some beautiful things as you’ve shared pieces of your story as well. Sending you a hug, friend!

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  10. Thanks so much for sharing this, Jeanne. I’ve struggled with some of these same questions for friends going through infertility, even though I haven’t experienced it myself for more than a few months. One thing that comforts me in any trial is that Job never knew the reason for his sufferings–as far as we know, God didn’t tell him about the challenge from Satan. Sometimes I think if I can just know why, all my issues will be solved. God doesn’t always share why beyond the fact that He uses trials to strengthen us. But we know He is loving, wise, and kind, so we can trust Him.

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    1. Barbara, it’s so hard to walk through infertility by a friend’s side. Sometimes you feel helpless to do anything. But we can always pray and always listen. I appreciate you bringing up Job. You’re right. He never knew the Why behind his sufferings, but He does give us the gift of His presence in those darkest seasons. When we believe God is all that He says He is, it’s easier to trust and look to Him when life feels bleak.

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  11. Thanks so much for sharing this very real & widespread struggle… And yet, even aside from infertility I think most of us have faced things that have led us to question God’s love and/or goodness towards us.
    How sweetly He spoke to you.
    For me.. I’m not sure -it’s many things over time that have helped me grasp more and more how much He loves me- and I’m sure I am still barely grasping. Some, honestly has been just by faith – accepting Biblical truths that tell me God is for me and not against me… that He desires good things in my life.

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    1. Christian, I think you’re right. We all have—or will—face things that lead us to question what we know about God. I guess sometimes, it’s when we question that we come to know God more intimately. And it comes down to what you shared—trusting the Biblical truths that God is for us and not against us, that He knows the plans He has for us and they are (ultimately) for our good. Great words here. Thank you!

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  12. Jeanne, this must have been a hard post to write. It’s not easy to be so transparent and honest about such very hard times. Thank you for also witnessing to your trust in God through that time.

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    1. Kathy, thank you for your sweet words. It was a very difficult season in my life. but, God has ways of revealing gems in the darkness, and He gave me many in those years. I appreciate you!

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