***I wrote this post about a month ago, but everything still holds true.***
“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
It had been about two weeks since the conversation that changed my paradigm. The way I thought our family would grow up and mature and launch two boys into the world as young men, prepared and equipped to take on the challenges of adulting and figuring out who they really are.
Two weeks since I had talked with a person who “loves” my boy-man enough to share the hard truths with me.
Two weeks of grappling with a possible new reality and not sure what things look like now.
Two weeks of trying to figure out where we go from here.
Two weeks where Hubs and I have done some talking, lots of praying, and talking with the boy about the observations made about him.
Two weeks that are the first steps of a slightly changed life. A skewed paradigm.
And this hard Thing?
It’s got me trying not to stay in the place of living as a hot mess. It feels big. Overwhelming. Scary at the amount of change it will require of me.
This Thing draws forth the selfishness in my heart, my thoughts.
This THING challenges me to evaluate my dreams. To go before God with my questions of “How?”
It will demand sacrifice on my part. Dying to myself.
Seeking God for His timing with everything in my life.
All those things I thought I knew. I thought I had “covered.”
Being in a place of waiting for answers is where worry festers. Or trust blooms.
Some days, worry wins.
What will this coming year look like?
How will we walk the boy-man through all of it?
Will we find the answers we need to walk through this Thing?
Will I still be able to do the things I enjoy doing, or will my time be consumed with appointments and tasks?
Some days trust wins.
None of this surprises God. Not even the timing of the beginning of this journey.
He is with us.
He is the answer-giver. The Hope-infuser. The Lover of my soul.
And my family.
And my dreams.
I can’t even talk about this Thing with those close to me, because . . . I need to honor my son.
For a woman who connects through words, who gleans comfort through sharing . . . This. Is. Tough.
But God . . .
He knows the plans He has for us. Plans to prosper us. Not to harm us.
Plans for a future. And a hope.
He never, ever promises His plans are easy. But, He always promises to be with us as we walk through those times when disappointment roars in like a tidal wave.
When fear attempts to gain the upper hand.
Sometimes prospering comes through prospering in character, not necessarily in the wallet. Through being conformed and growing into the people God created us to be.
He will not harm us. Yes, hard things happen. Those things we classify as “BAD” can happen. But they will not harm our spirits. We need to remember Who holds us.
He has plans for a future for us. No, that future may not look the way I expected. Probably won’t, in fact. But God has a future for our family.
For each of His children.
And His plans offer a hope for us. The Giver of Hope has a plan of hope for each of His children.
I don’t know what the coming days, months, years look like for our boy-man. But, this I know. Our amazing, loving Father holds us in the palm of His hand. No matter what hard we are each walking through.
He has a plan for us. Not our plan.
And it is a good plan. Even when it hurts in the present.
For now, in the middle of all my unknown, I choose to cling to the Hope-Giver. The One who holds me—and each of His children—close to His heart.
I choose to wait in trust on Him. To step where He leads. To hold His hand in the dark places.
When fear tries to turn my heart away, I will choose to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. Because He is the only One who can really, truly lead us on the paths of life.
What about you? When you’ve faced uncertain situations, how have you navigated them? What is your favorite Bible verse for those times of uncertainty?