It’s funny how some years, I know what my word is right away, and other years, I don’t know. I begin praying about my word around September of the preceding year.
This year . . . nothing came. I tried on a few words to see how they fit with my heart. One grated, another fit poorly. None resonated.
I considered what the Lord has been speaking to me about over the past few months. I looked through notes from my quiet time, and a word slipped into my heart.
Even at my age, I still struggle with being a people-pleaser, one who strives for—longs for—the approval of others. Sometimes, this desire traps me into compromising, or not really allowing who I am to reflect in my interactions.
Sometimes, I am quiet rather than sharing because I fear rejection (yes, this ugly thing still pops up from time to time). When I’m with a group of friends, and we’re all talking over each other, it’s so easy to observe, rather than participate. I might try to share a word, but I get talked over. It’s not an intentional slight on the part of anyone, it’s just how women tend to communicate. But, I step backward, into Observer Mode, rather than engaging, rather than sharing my thoughts, my heart. And it causes distance to grow over time.
I find myself even doing this with God. Not being completely honest with Him. I know what’s expected. I know the things I should do, and I’m a diligent daughter. I do them, but I don’t always share all of me with Him. Sure, He knows everything in my heart, but He still wants me to be brave and genuine and to share my thoughts my feelings, fears, frustrations, dreams, and heartaches with Him.
As I considered this, the word He gave me to focus on for 2016 is:
I suspect God has much refining to do in me this year. This word may well be the next step in my process of overcoming the rejection monster once and for all.
I believe that, as I focus on this one word in 2016, relationships will deepen—with my family, my friends, and most importantly, with God. As I trust Him enough to help me be authentic with others, He will hopefully work healing within me.
Knowing God, He has lessons for me to learn and embrace that I can’t conceive right now. And that’s okay. Because this will be a year to grow in trusting Him and in becoming more of the woman He created me to be.
What about you? Do you follow New Year’s resolutions, set goals, focus on one word? How do you determine your focus for the year?
***P.S. I’m playing around with the look of my blog. I’d love to hear your impressions, things you like/don’t like about the new look. :)***