Five Minute Friday scribblings, Infertility

When: When God Speaks

Desert Road

By +Jeanne Takenaka @JeanneTakenaka

My Five Minute Friday prompt this week is—WHEN. This largely unedited “rough draft” form of writing stretches this perfectionist, in the best of ways. I write for five minutes on a given topic. If you’re interested in learning more about 5-Minute Fridays, check out our hostess, Kate Motaung’s site. Or, click on the link at the bottom of this post. As you read my simpler Friday posts, I hope you’ll join in the conversation!

WHEN

I’d been staying with my friend’s children for three days when she and her husband came home with their fourth baby.

For three days I’d gotten to put on the mommy hat, and enjoy a few hugs, cleaning, playing with children. Tasting motherhood.

When she came home, those sweet children wanted to see their baby sister. They climbed all over their parents. I sat in my borrowed room, trying not to cry at the pain of infertility coming back to smack me.

When I made the three hour drive home, I shared my joy for my friend and my own pain with the Lord. Hot desert wind blew through the windows of my car.

Baby booties and lambie

I asked the Lord, “When, Lord? When is it my turn to be a mom?”

Much to my surprise, God answered. Not quite audibly, but words spoken to my heart. “I will give you a child.” The emphasis was on the “I”.

In my crazy desire for motherhood, had I made up that six word sentence? It stopped my words cold. I prayed. I pondered. I drove in silence. I shared them with my husband, who believed they were God’s words for me.

God, in his sweetness, spoke them again, a few days later. “I will give you a child.”

My heart about palpitated at the emphasis. There was no “if.” Instead, it was a “when.”

Baby toes 2 copy

God speaks to each us in different ways. Seldom audibly. But when He gives a message, it’s up to us to believe it and act on it.

Those words infused me with hope as I took on a job at our church. And then fifteen months later, resigned when we learned we were going to be parents via adoption.

When God speaks, learn to listen. And more, choose to believe.

What about you? When has God imprinted a message on your heart? What did you do with it?

Visit Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday post

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15 thoughts on “When: When God Speaks”

  1. Oh Jeanne, I was blinking back tears. You touched me with your story! So thankful for His word to you, and oh yes, how He is teaching me the same lesson of “not by might or power but by HIS spirit” and in His timing.
    (also struggling perfectionist)
    Thank you for sharing such beautiful words. Truly, you are blessed among all women because “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” (Luke 1:45)

    ~Tammy (fmf friend and neighbor)

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    1. Tammy, thanks for your words. I’m truly thankful for His patient teaching—and re-teaching. I’m slow to learn sometimes. To believe doesn’t always come easily, does it? I’m so glad you stopped by!

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  2. A lovely post, Jeanne.

    God feels very far away, now. I know He is there, but I’m a bit like an overmatched boxer, blinded and reeling, striking out where and when I can, hoping to connect.

    It seems like the times I heard Him, I was deluding myself. The moto slogans, and the Scripture, they fall flat today.

    I still believe in Him, and still believe that somehow, all this is worthwhile.

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    1. Andrew, I think there are times when all of us feel far away from God. We lose sight of Him. Choosing t5o believe in Him when He feels far away is the best thing we can do in these times. I’m praying for you today my friend.

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    2. Andrew, Through my personal struggle I came to know a much different God than the one I thought I knew. Eventually I arrived at the point where I could say, “Lord, I wouldn’t have chosen this for my life, but I will accept it. Will you please teach me from it.” It is of an eternal value and absolutely “worthwhile” to acknowledge the trustworthiness of our Maker.
      For me, I had to do more than just believe He existed, I had to approach Him; the very same God I blamed for all my misery.
      Hang in there.

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  3. Sorry for your pain Jeannie, but your sharing touches other’s hearts. Thank you.
    “Lean into God’s when”. Now that will preach!! How many times have I waited for His promise and gotten impatient in my soul? But I do trust God and He always does come through! What is the key? Focus on His Word and His love instead of impatience. So simple; right? Not!

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    1. It’s hard to not act on our impatience, isn’t it? But, there are rewards when we restrain ourselves. Among them, peace. 🙂 And yes, focusing on His Word is always a good thing to do! 🙂

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  4. Hi Jeanne…
    I saw my word…believe…in your words.
    I am trusting in that word more than I ever thought I would in this new year.

    Thanks for that.
    Blessings to you.
    Warmly,
    Gail

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    1. Gail, what a GREAT word! God has a way of giving us opportunities to walk in our belief in Him. I’m glad He’s meeting you as you walk out the word Believe. Thanks so much for stopping by!!

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