Five Minute Friday scribblings, Love, Mothering

Dare: Loving Through Hurts

Heart and knot necklace

By +Jeanne Takenaka @JeanneTakenaka

My Five Minute Friday prompt this week is—Dare. This largely unedited “rough draft” form of writing stretches this perfectionist, in the best of ways. I write for five minutes on a given topic. If you’re interested in learning more about 5-Minute Fridays, check out our hostess, Kate Motaung’s site. Or, click on the link at the bottom of this post. As you read my simpler Friday posts, I hope you’ll join in the conversation!

DARE

“How dare you?!” roared around in my mind as my son spewed disrespectful words at me. Again.

He’s a boy. I’m the mom. But I can never quite swallow those hurtful darts without them slicing me on the way down.

He’s learning—and so am I—how to deal with the surge of emotions that roil over him and spill onto me. The hurt is there. Sometimes it dares me to retaliate, to not forgive when asked.

Sometimes the greater dare comes in loving after being hurt. Yes, he’s a child. He’s my strong-willed, amazing, loving-big, arms-wide-open boy. Except for when he’s not.

I dare not stop loving this child of mine. As if I could.

Hurt sometimes tempts us to withhold love. Acceptance.

Hurts caused by others challenge us to move beyond them. Or hurts encourage us to give up.

There are situations where hurts must be stopped, and that comes with distancing ourselves from the one doing the hurting.

In my case, my dare is to love through it. To love well. And to train godly.

Big vine, little vine

It’s hard. But I’m the example of love for this boy of mine. I’m the example of Jesus with skin on, of what daring to love—even when one is unlovely—looks like.

I’m not big into taking dares from people . . . but a dare from God? Dare I not accept the challenge to reflect Him to my boys, to the circle of influence I’m placed within?

Is it easy? No! but, it’s necessary. Love well.

Dare to be like Jesus in all of who He is. Including loving when it hurts.

What about you? Have you ever been dared to do something? Did you do it? How do you love those who are hard to love?

Kate Motaung—Dare

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19 thoughts on “Dare: Loving Through Hurts”

  1. Such truth! Thank you for sharing and for the reminder that we truly are Jesus with skin on to our kids…even when it can be so hard to like them somedays! 🙂

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    1. It’s a tough reminder to live out some days. But, I wouldn’t trade the privilege of motherhood, even on the hard days. You’re right. Some days it is hard to like them, which is why we choose to love them during those times, right? 🙂

      Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  2. daring to keep on loving in the trenches of parenthood. some days, it is choosing to love even when there’s not too much to like, or choosing to believe that what i’m hearing is anger, frustration and stretching for independence that simply needs to be channeled and controlled.

    i don’t know about you, but i’m loving this new adventure of parenting several teens and a few young adults still hanging around the nest as well.

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    1. Richelle, I’ve loved every stage of parenting so far. My boys definitely make each day an adventure. We’re still in the pre-teen stage. Most of the time, I look forward to the teen years. But, there are days when I dread it. 🙂 My prayer is that our house will be where they want to hang with their friends. We’ll see. 🙂

      Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  3. Great post!

    Loving can be a very hard choice; we’re taught by society to expect a quid pro quo for what we extend to others, and love simply doesn’t work that way.

    It’s tempting to say that love conquers all; perhaps it does on the eternal timetable. it certainly doesn’t in the temporal.

    So it is a dare, a roll of the dice the result of which – snakeyes or sixes – we may not see in this life.

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    1. You’re right, Andrew. Society tells us love should be a 50-50 deal. In parenting especially, sometimes it feels like a 100-0 deal. It’s a decision to love others when they’re hurtful. And you’re also right in that the eternal view of our choice to love may or may not make itself known this side of heaven. I need to remember that perspective. 🙂

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  4. I love the line “loving through it.” Such a challenge and one (I imagine) gets tougher with age… There are so many times I choose to love through the temper tantrums – not my first instinct or easy, but I am learning it produces the best outcomes.

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    1. Yes, loving in the midst of their anger definitely produces the best outcomes. You may not always see it in the moment, but you see it later on when they don’t question your love for them. 🙂 Love well, my friend.

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  5. Yes! I love this dare – thank you for this wonderful reminder: “love through it. To love well. And to train godly”…especially loving through those hard moments! So important.

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  6. Jesus love coming through us. Like how you said, Jesus with skin on. Sometimes it’s allowing Jesus to stop us until He shows us what’s beneath the slicing diatribe, or smoldering anger. Then He can handle it and show us how to respond to His precious kids. Life is all a training phase needing prayer to pass this test and graduate to the next. And there is always a next.

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    1. True, Mom. Sometimes, we need to just. Stop. To wait and let Him show us how to respond in a situation. That’s the best way to go through times when feelings are hurt and words are sharp. I’m certain you learned some of this wisdom raising three very different girls yourself, eh? 😉

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  7. I love how, in your writing, you always relate general concepts– such as daring to love– to your everyday life. By talking about struggles and joys within family, and everyday interactions with your children, you present that following God starts right where we are. Sometimes, maybe we need to stop fretting about being the ideal believers– those who simply strain their arms trying to reach toward the goal of “loving people” — and, as an author I respect, Wendell Berry, says, we should “Think Little”. By this, he means to start acting on things we care about on a local, close-to-home level, instead of jumping straight to the larger effects of issues.

    I love the part in one of his essays, where he says “No matter how much one may love the world as a whole, one can live fully in it only b e living responsibly in some small part of it. Where we live and who we live there with define the terms of our relationship to the world and to humanity.”
    Anyhow, I just think that your style of writing is a wonderful example of “Thinking Little”. Thank you for your insight, which allows me to see these greater concepts as applicable in so many small ways.
    — Becca 🙂
    (By the way, if you’re ever interested in reading Berry’s essay, it’s called “The Body and the Earth”. It is an extremely insightful look at how various separate parts of life– economy, our country, relationships, government, etc. — are really all connected, and the implications of these connections. It is also part of his book “The Art of the Commonplace”, which has been a life-changing book for me, over the past year.)

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    1. Becca, thank you so much for sharing the quote from Wendell Berry’s essay. I need to get my hands on it. Those comments resonated with me on a deep level. I’m going to look into that. I love the idea of thinking little. Living out our passions, our relationship with Jesus where He has us right now.

      I so appreciate what you’ve added to the conversation, Becca. Thank you so much for stopping by!

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  8. Oh, I needed to read this today (I have an 8 year old battling with balancing ‘need for Mama’ with ‘need for independence’). We are, as you say, their models of love. Every day we have to find patience from that deep well of love.

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    1. Yes, I have two battling with the need for independence and that security of Mom. The days can be very long, but the love must persevere, right? And I think you’re right: that patience does come from a deep well of love for our kids. Love your thoughts!

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  9. Thank you for this encouragement. Being a Mom continually challenges me. I think it is one of our greatest spaces for showing unconditional Jesus love. Not easy, but life-changing.

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