Love Languages

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Image from Takenaka wedding album

What’s your language of love? No, I’m not talking about French, Italian or Spanish. My hubby and I had been married less than a year when we came across a book called, The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. In it, Dr. Chapman describes the five languages as Acts of Service, Physical Touch (not just sexual), Gifts, Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.

He says most people function in one main language and may operate in another.

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Image courtesy of Apolonia at freedigitalphotos.net

Hubby and I discovered we “speak” two different languages when it comes to expressing and receiving love. My husband read about two sentences before determining he is an Acts of Service guy. I told him I speak all five languages, especially when it comes to receiving them. What girl doesn’t want to be given a gift just because, or have her man focus all his attention on her, or serve her breakfast in bed with a flower on the tray, or just hold her hand with no expectation, or tell her she’s beautiful?

After he pulled himself up off the floor from laughing so hard, he asked me what my primary love language was. My thoughts wandered back to a fight we had shortly before becoming engaged. What I wanted most at the end of that argument was to know that he still loved me. And, to hear him say it. Words of Affirmation is my love language. This isn’t the only way this language is spoken, but for me it was huge. He has studied me over the years, asked questions about the most meaningful ways he can love me. He expresses affirming words daily. One of the biggest ways he’s done this is through encouraging and supporting me on my writing journey. He’s amazing.

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Image courtesy of Apolonia at freedigitalphotos.net

When I do small things, like make his lunch for work the next day, he feels loved. Keeping the house straightened up, cooking supper and serving it at a decent hour, and looking for little ways I can help him all speak love to him. Giving him down time at the end of a stressful workday is another way I love him. He’s an introvert by nature, so having alone moments before supper gives him time to recharge.

We are students of each other. Looking beyond my own daily list of to-do’s to see how I can bless his day speaks his love language. Doing these things is easier because he’s so good at loving me by heart.

 What about you? How do you give and receive love? What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned in loving?

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18 thoughts on “Love Languages

  1. I am bilingual — Words of Affirmation and Quality Time (specifically the Quality Conversation dialect) were equally tops on my assessment. Then Gifts & Touch were tied way, way down the scale. Acts of Service was a big fat ZERO for me!

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    • I love that, Amy. I am bilingual too. 🙂 Words of Affirmation are my strong first, but behind that I love quality time. Whether it’s watching a movie, talking over coffee or hanging out in some way. I love it. That’s funny that acts of service is so low for you. I’ve had to learn that language because it’s not what comes naturally to me. 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  2. Love grows. After47 years of marriage and having gone through many ups and downs as we traveled the love ( and not always the loving) journey, I can say once we call upon Christ to enter into the relationship, love grows. My husband loves me so well in so many ways, so often during the day, that we enjoy being in each other’s company immensely. Our language is Christ language. . . not that the others don’t apply, but guess I’m not so much an analyzer. 🙂

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  3. I think I’m a words of affirmation person too. I love how marriage is such a work in progress. It’s so important to think about these things and invest in the relationship 🙂

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  4. Touch – holding hands, a back rub, touching a leg or foot. Touch is the one thing that we both crave, even in the simplest form.

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    • Touch is a great primary language. I think that’s something I like too. It communicates so much! And, you have filled in a piece of the puzzle in our family. Thank you! It’s so good to know each other’s first love language, isn’t it? And how nice when you both speak the same language!

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  5. I’m all about touch! With words of affirmation coming in second. My husband sounds a lot like yours. Running an errand for him or doing chores that are normally his are surefire ways to make him feel beloved!

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    • How fun that our hubbys both speak the language of service. Sometimes I can tell when I’m not speaking his language enough because he gets a little grumpy. I have to remember to look for those ways to serve him, you know?

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  6. I think many men have acts of service as their primary love language. They think, Hey, I washed the dishes, what more does she want? 🙂 It makes it easy for me, because I can make his lunch, or just DO something and it works. Me, my language is hugs; I never get enough of them. I get tons of service though, which really isn’t so bad…. 🙂 And being in love with Christ helps us to remember that sacrificing self is the touchpoint of love.
    (I think this book is a great one to give for a first anniversary present!– how fortunate you were to discover it early in your marriage!)

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    • I loved your line: “Sacrificing self is the touchpoint of love.” So true! Yes, I confess I love that my husband is an acts of service guy. He helps me out in so many ways! I confess though it doesn’t come as easily to me as it does for him. But, I work on it each day. 🙂

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  7. Great thoughts, Jeanne, and my hubby always says I have all 5 languages and he never knows which one I need…hee. I love when he does acts of service but SOMETIMES that fails to really touch me on some deep level. I think we finally figured out Quality Time was my primary one…since I get all grouchy and withdrawn when I’m not around him enough. His is definitely touch. Touch, touch, touch–he grew up with a very huggy momma and I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM. However, I’m kind of the opposite..I like being touched but I forget to TOUCH others sometimes. So I have to remind myself to be the first one to touch sometimes, not just be the happy recipient of backrubs. Hee.

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    • Yes, Heather, I get this! 🙂 I think my second language is Quality time. As you have to remember to give the gift of touch, I need to remember to give the gift of service to my hubby. 🙂 My guys is pretty good with giving hugs and touch too. I love it! Now, go give your honey a hug! 😉

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  8. My hubby and I spoke entirely different languages. I said, “spoke”. Now? Without giving too much detail??? We’re on the same page and it is a very good thing I went to the vet and got fixed. Ahem. Fans self. Walks away…

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